DEBRETTS WEDDINGS ~ ENGAGMENTS AND INVITATIONS ~ SETTING THE DATE

Debretts

Weddings ~Engagements and Invitations ~ Setting the Date

Setting the Wedding Date

The choice of wedding date is dependent on many factors, but it is important to remember that a minimum of six months is usually required to organize a wedding. Most importantly, the availability of the wedding party and key guests must be confirmed, as well as the favored venue or church.

The church and time of year will dictate the style of the wedding; some bride and grooms-to-be also take the climate of their favored honeymoon destination into consideration. The couple should also check that they are not clashing with any other significant events.

Once the date is finalized, it is a good idea to send out save the date cards.

Choosing the Wedding Date

As a general rule, a wedding takes at least six months to organize.

If the couple want to book a popular church or reception venue during busy summer months then more time may be required.

If the ceremony is to be held at a register office or the home of the bride/groom, things may take less time to organize.

Couples who set the date for over a year in advance can find that this is a long waiting period; it is unusual for an engagement to last more than 18 months.

*The first decision to be made is the time of year. Most brides to be will have an idea of the season in which they would like to get married.

*Spring and summer (May-September) are the most popular months in the UK, with June being the busiest of all.

*Saturday is the most popular day for weddings; Fridays may prove to be a good, and sometimes more economic alternative.

*The honeymoon should be researched – is the dream destination suitable for that time of year?

*The bride and groom should check when they can take time off work.

*The day should not clash with major sporting events or bank holidays.

*School and summer holidays should be considered – for example, friends may be away on holiday during August.

*A Christmas wedding may clash with many guests’ family commitments.

*The choice of wedding day may be a good opportunity to mark a significant anniversary.

Finalizing the Wedding Date

Once the time of year has been decided, finalizing the date essentially involves a process of elimination between the availability of the venues, the wedding party, and key guests.

If the ceremony is to be religious, a separate reception venue will need to be booked.

For many civil ceremonies held in approved venues (hotels, castles, etc.) the ceremony and reception can often take place in the same building.

If two venues are required, the venue for the ceremony should be firmed up first; then when looking at reception venues, it will often be possible to pencil the date in with various places, especially if this is done well in advance.

Check the availability of members of the wedding party and choose the date that produces the best result. Once the date and venue(s) have been decided, deposits should be paid immediately to secure the venue(s).

As soon as the venues are secured, inform the wedding party and key guests. It is then advisable to compile the wedding guest list and send out save the date cards.

Save the Date Cards

Many couples choose to send out printed save the date cards, prior to the wedding invitation, asking potential guests to keep a particular date free.

While an email or simple message in a Christmas card is a possible alternative, it is likely that people will take more note of a dedicated card arriving by post.

The wording should be kept brief, and just include the basic information about the wedding.

Please Save the Date for the marriage of Richard Manners and Caroline Debrett Saturday 17^th, July 2010, London Invitation to follow

DEBRETTS ~ WEDDINGS ~ ENGAGEMENTS AND INVITATIONS ~ ENGAGEMENTS

Debretts

Weddings

Engagements and Invitations ~ Engagements

After the excitement of the marriage proposal, the newly-engaged couple will find themselves thrown into a social whirlwind.

As soon as the engagement is announced, the news will spread fast. Some couples choose the traditional option of a formal announcement others rely on a few phone calls and word of mouth. Letters, cards and presents will soon arrive, along with congratulatory messages.

As the wedding plans start to be discussed, the couple should organize for both sets of parents to meet each other. Moreover, the engagement is the perfect reason to throw a celebratory party.

Proposals ~ Wedding Proposals

Asking For Her Hand In Marriage

It is traditional for the man to ask his future father-in-law’s permission for his daughter’s hand in marriage, but it is often the case today that the couple get engaged and permission is sought, as a mere formality, afterwards. Gauge how traditional the family is and respect the expectations of the bride’s father.

Practicalities

A proposal of marriage requires planning; it’s an occasion that demands once-in-a-lifetime romance that will be recalled time and time again.

*Wedding proposal ideas can be successfully simple or impressively complicated. The location should be memorable and the timing should be carefully thought through.

*It is traditional for a man to propose with an engagement ring, but many choose to propose without one and opt for a different token such as a bracelet or necklace instead. The couple than choose the ring together.

*An engagement ring should be on the bride-to-be’s finger within a reasonable time of her saying ‘yes’ to the wedding proposal.

*Remember, there can no truly offensive or wrong way to ask someone to marry you.

*If she says ‘no’ the she should offer to give the ring back – it’s up to the man if he wants to take it or not.

Leap Year Proposals

It is a tradition in Britain that in Leap Years women many propose.
It is said that in about 1288 Queen Margaret of Scotland passed a law that required that a man who refused a proposal could be fined; compensation ranged from a kiss to £1 to a silk gown.

In 1839, Queen Victoria proposed to Prince Albert at Windsor Castle because he was of a lower social standing than her. As the Queen, she was able to ignore the Leap Year tradition, but the couple was married in 1840, which was in fact a Leap Year.

Engagement Rings

Convention dictates that a ring, most popularly a diamond, should mark an engagement. Other stones such as Sapphires and Rubies may also be chosen or used as side-settings.

It is not necessary to present an engagement ring when proposing; many people decide not to choose the ring alone. A safer option is to give a piece of jewelry – such as a bracelet – that the groom knows his fiancé will like.

However, the ring should be on her finger within a reasonable time – weeks, not months.

*It is still customary for the groom to pay for the ring; he should get the very best he can afford.

*Consider the bride’s taste, her hand shape and her realistic expectations.

*The groom may wish to select a few rings for his fiancé to choose from, or the couple may decide to look together.

*A family heirloom or antique – either a ring or a set of stones –may be cleaned, adapted, or re-set.

*If the couple chooses the ring together, a budget should be established in advance.

*Several styles should be tried; it is advisable to experiment with a range of cuts, sizes, and settings.

*Trying the engagement ring on with a wedding band – it will look different alongside another ring, rather than on a plain finger.

*Popular metals for engagement rings are: white gold, gold and platinum. The metal of a wedding band must match the metal of the engagement ring.

*Trusted or recommended jewelers should be used; listen carefully to their advice.

*Retailers will be happy to advise on the quality of stones. A diamond is valued using the ‘Four Cs’: carat, clarity, color and cut.

Insuring the Rings

Both the wedding rings and the engagement ring represent a major outlay, and therefore must be insured – the latter to the full value of the stone or stones. Jewelers’ receipts should be kept in a safe place in case a claim has to be made.

Groom’s Present

Many brides-to-be like to give a substantial present to their fiance as a way of marking the significance of the occasion. Popular choices include a watch, cufflinks, or a beautiful pen.

Diamond Guide

Most people choose a diamond engagement ring, so it is important to understand how the stones are valued using the ‘Four Cs’: carat, clarity, color and cut.

Carat

The size of the diamond. The larger the stone, the greater the carat weight and the more expensive the diamond. There are 100 points to a carat: 1 carat = 0.2g.

Clarity

The marks or inclusions in the stone. Fewer inclusions mean greater clarity, greater brilliance (sparkle) and greater value.

A diamond is viewed under 10x magnification by a professional gemologist to grade its clarity:

F = Flawless. Extremely rare, with no imperfections

IF = Internally Flawless. Rare with no internal inclusions

VVS1, VVS2 = Very, very slightly included. An excellent diamond-contains inclusions that are extremely difficult to see under magnification.

VS1, VS2 = Very slightly included. Contains small inclusions that are hard to see under magnification.

SI1, SI2 – Slightly included. Contains visible inclusions under magnification.

Color

The color of a diamond is graded alphabetically. Letters towards the beginning of the alphabet are the best diamonds, starting with D. Choose stones of H quality or higher (i.e. D, E, F, G, H.)

D,E,F: Colorless and best

G,H,I,J: Near colorless

K,L,M: Faint Yellow

N,O,P…. Z: Very light… Light Yellow

Cut

The angles and proportions of the stone. A well-cut diamond is not too shallow or too deep and allows the light to reflect off the perfectly cut facets.

The grades of cut are excellent, ideal, very good, good or fair.

The shape of a diamond is also often referred to as the cut. This does not generally affect the price – there are many different shapes to choose from.

*Round, Oval, Pear, Princess (square), Marquise (Oval with pointed ends), Emerald (Rectangular) and Asscher (Square with rounded edges) are all commonly seen.

*Round cut diamonds are the most usual and popular.

*A single diamond set alone is referred to as a solitaire.

Engagement Announcements

Announcing an engagement is a momentous step in a couple’s life. The news will travel fast, so it is essential to tell everyone at the right time.

Family should be prioritized and the parents of both bride and groom should always be the very first to hear of an engagement.

The groom may already have sought permission from the bride’s father, before he proposed, so it may not come as such a surprise.

Telephone calls to the rest of the family and close friends will follow; a round-robin email or text announcing the news is fine for everyone else. Following that, the grapevine can be relied upon to spread the word.

Some families choose to place a formal announcement in the newspaper.

The traditional practice of sending engagement announcement cards is less common nowadays.

Newspaper Announcements

Once the news has been spread by informal means, an announcement may be made in a local or a national paper.

It is traditional for the father of the bride to organize this if the bride’s parents are hosting the wedding. Nowadays, many couples prefer to do it themselves, if at all.

Example Engagement Announcements

A traditional announcement reads:

Mr. R Manners and Miss K. Debrett The Engagement is announced between Richard, elder son of Mr. and Mrs. John Manners of Lewes, East Sussex, and Kate, only daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Rufus Debrett of Richmond, Surrey.

If one or both sets of parents is divorced the name and address of each parent is clearly spelt out:

Mr. R. Manners and Miss. K. Debrett  -- The Engagement is announced between Richard, elder son of Mr. John Manners of Lewes, East Sussex and Mrs. Jane Manners of Chelsea, London, and Kate, only daughter of Mr. Rufus Debrett of Richmond, Surrey and Mrs. Lily Coote of Hampstead, London.

If a parent is widowed:

Mr. R. Manners and Miss K. Debrett – The Engagement is announced between Richard, elder son of Mr. and Mrs. John Manners of Lewes Sussex and Kate, only daughter of Mrs. Rufus Debrett of Richmond, Surrey.

A more contemporary style may be used:

Mr. Richard Manners of Brighton, East Sussex and Miss Kate Debrett of Cobham, Surrey are delighted to announce their engagement. A summer wedding is planned.

Cards and Presents ~ Engagement Cards, Letters and Presents

It is customary for friends and family of a newly engaged couple to send a letter or card; they may also wish to give a present.

*Traditionally, congratulations should be conveyed in a handwritten letter or card. Friends may also send an email, but this is an occasion where it is worth making the effort of putting pen to paper.

*There are many special engagement greetings cards available; a suitable themed blank card is also fine.

*In a letter or card, it is the norm to congratulate both the bride and the groom.

*The bride’s mother traditionally writes to the groom’s parents, expressing delight at the forthcoming marriage and suggesting that a date and venue be found for both sides to get together.

*Close friends and family may wish to give the couple an engagement present. This may be done at the engagement party if one is held.

*The engaged couple should send thank you letters for presents they receive as soon as possible.

The Parents

It is traditional for the couple’s parents to meet if they have not already done so once the announcement has been made.

The bride’s mother traditionally writes to the groom’s parents, expressing delight at the forthcoming marriage and suggesting that a date and venue be found for both sides to get together.

It is inappropriate to leave a first meeting until the engagement party, and highly inadvisable to leave it until the wedding day.

If the parents do not already know each other, meeting in a neutral environment such as a restaurant may be a good idea so that no one carries the burden of playing host or hostess. The bride and groom should make every effort to put both sets of parents at ease.

Remember that first and foremost, this is a celebration. Any initial awkwardness is usually forgotten once the discussion of wedding plans is underway.

Parties ~ Engagement Parties

An engagement party is by no means essential, but it is a great excuse for a celebratory gathering. Ideally the party should be held within a month or two of announcing the engagement.

Organization

*One set of parents may choose to organize the party or nowadays it is also usual for the couple to host the party themselves.

*It is often appropriate to hold two parties – one for families and family friends and a more relaxed occasion for the couple’s friends.

*Check before setting a date that key guests will be able to attend.

*The primary host should send out the engagement party invitations; on these it should be clear that the party is being held to mark the engagement.

*The scale and lavishness of the party will be dictated by budget. Finances permitting, drinks (preferably champagne) and canapé and eacutes are a fail-safe formula for engagement parties.

*The engagement party may be the first time many guests meet either the bride or groom and their respective friends and family so introductions are very important.

*If the parents of the bride are hosting the party, it is customary for the father of the bride to give a small speech and toast the couple.

*Remember that guests invited to an engagement party will expect to be invited to the wedding too, so don’t get carried away with numbers.

Engagement Presents and Thank Yous

*Guests may wish to bring a present for the couple to the engagement party. This is not essential, but is a nice gesture from close friends and family.

*The engaged couple should acknowledge presents with a handwritten thank you letter.

*Guests should write a thank you letter to the host after the evening.

ETTIQUETTE ~ BRITISH BEHAVIOR A-H

Etiquette

British Behavior A-H

Apologizing

For many British people, apologizing is a default reaction to life’s little irritants. IF someone barges into you, treads on your toes or spills your drink, it is considered quite normal for the victim to mutter “sorry”. This is clearly illogical, but for many British people it is an ingrained response. The urge to apologize for other people’s actions is clearly misplaced; constant, needless apologizing devalues the currency, and will lessen the impact of a genuine, heartfelt mea culpa.

A sincere apology should always be offered when your actions have had a negative impact on other people. Even if you do not fully understand why someone is so upset, respect their feelings, and accept that your actions are the root of the problem. Don’t pass the buck, or use your apology as a way of blaming someone else. Take full responsibility for your actions.

An apology will be much more persuasive if you acknowledge the fault: “I’m sorry I was so late,” is more specific than a simple “I’m sorry,” and actually recognize the other person’s grievance. Never temper your apologies with accusations or insinuations: it will negate its impact. If you have committed a real faux-pas consider sending a handwritten note – but only after you have offered a verbal apology, otherwise it will look cowardice.

If you are offered a genuine apology, acknowledge it graciously and accept it. The urge to elicit groveling self-abasement is both childish and offensive.

Chivalry

Historically, chivalry was seen as an integral, and indispensable, feature of the British ‘gentleman.’ Throughout history and literature, flawless manners and polite masculinity were the defining characteristics of the British gent.

Today, however, men face the tricky challenge of adapting traditional gestures to fit in with modern Britain’s more relaxed ways.

Chivalry may be the courteous behavior of a man towards a woman, but when is it out-dated and patronizing, and when is it appropriate and well-mannered?

New Chivalry is all about the natural gesture, striking a balance between treating a woman like a lady, but respecting her independence.

Men holding doors open for women is still a chivalrous gesture, even in our less-gallant times. If, however, a woman arrives at the door first and starts to open it, a man shouldn’t awkwardly rush in front of her with grand exclamations of “I’ll get that!” Both genders should hold doors open (and check) for people coming through behind them.
Traditionally, it was considered polite for a man to walk on the kerbside of the street. If, however, a woman naturally falls in step on the kerbside and seems comfortable with it, then it would be clumsy for him to start dodging around her to try and walk on the outside.

A man should stand up to greet a woman when she enters the room for the first time. There is no need, however, for him to be like a jack-in-the-box every time she goes to the loo, goes to get a drink and so on.

The modern British man should aim for appropriate gestures that come instinctively, rather than contrived behavior that feels out-dated and oppressive. The battle of the sexes is over and modern Britain is an egalitarian society – but there is always a time and place for good manners.

Complaining

Napoleon once opined, “When people cease to complain, they cease to think.” The British love to complain, but we’re not very good at it – our natural reticence and desire to avoid confrontation makes complaining challenging.

Although we like a good whinge, we’re more likely to moan at someone else than complain directly, through the proper channels or in a way that might actually fix the problem. At this moment in a restaurant near you, there’s a familiar scene – a  couple huddled together, comparing how salty their soup is, how cold their kedgeree, when the waiter approaches. “Everything all right here? “Oh yes, fine, thank you.” At least this form of complaining isn’t rude because its target never gets to hear the harsh words we are having such fun delivering.

If, however, you want to complain in an effective way, there are ways and means of doing so politely that will avoid temper, high blood pressure and shouting—never the best way to achieve your goal. Always pay lip service to calmly following the proper channels, and only when those are exhausted, do you smilingly ask if it is possible to see the manager, while making it obvious that you’re not leaving until something good happens.

Try if at all possible to resolve the complaint there and then rather than being fobbed off by the advice to write a letter. Remember that your adversaries are often trained in the art of customer service (a.k.a. anything but) so they are skilled in complaint deflection strategies. Rudeness merely activates these strategies, whereas politeness and an eagerness to work with them to solve your problem are often disarming.

Sometimes all you have to do is smile confidently and say, “I’m sure we can resolve this,” or subtly remind them of the reputation they have to uphold. At all times, out-do any saccharine obtuseness with extra dollops of twice-as nice from you: you will reap sweet rewards.

Countryside Roads

Certain unwritten rules of behavior, observed in the British countryside for many centuries, will ensure that you don’t enrage landowners, or endanger yourself or any wildlife during your visit to the UK.

There’s an age-old way of doing things in rural Britain, so go prepared, and be aware that it’s still the norm to greet people you encounter with a friendly “Hello.”

Stick to designated paths, especially in crop fields. When walking on a country lane or rural road, walk on the side of the road facing oncoming traffic. When rounding a bend or blind corner, move to the other side of the road to avoid head-on collision, than move back to the other side on a straight stretch.

If you are driving in the countryside be patient. Accept that country driving is slow, so sit back and enjoy the scenery. Keep to your side of the road, and don’t let reduce visibility tempt you into wandering into the oncoming lane. If you are stuck behind slow-moving tractors or agricultural machinery, resign yourself to moving slowly, and resist the temptation to flash your headlights or swing from behind. If you see a horse and rider ahead, slow down to a crawl and creep behind. When it is completely safe to overtake, pull out, giving the horse a wide berth, and drive very slowly.

Leave gates as you find them – they will be open or closed for a reason.

Take litter home with you if you can’t find a bin.

Wild or farmland animals shouldn’t be approached, and even friendly-looking dogs on leads should be given a wide berth, unless the owner invites you to pet them.

Discretion

The British have a reputation for discretion – the ‘quiet word in your ear’, the whispered aside, the mask of disinterest. In the days when life was lived in front of a flock of servants, there was an absolute expectation that the household staff would observe their employers’ comings and goings with complete sang-froid.

But discretion, once considered a great British virtue, is under threat. The barriers between public and private worlds are breaking down, and the public has a voracious appetite for television and news stories that lay lives bare, revealing every detail from embarrassing bodies to sexual pecadillos.

The merging of public and private worlds is also evident in the way that some people act when they are in public. There is a marked refusal to recognize that a mobile phone conversation, when it is held in a public place, is public property. However unwillingly, people around you are forced to become eavesdroppers and may find themselves listening to hair-raising revelations and embarrassingly frank discussions.

Take a leaf out of the book of the traditional English butler, and make a virtue of discretion. Keep your public mobile phone calls (e.g. in a train carriage) bland and brief. Avoid discussing the following: sex, bodily functions, illness and operations. Don’t have full-blooded rows. Don’t swear. Look around you – do you really want that elderly lady or small child to hear what you’re saying?

Dress Code

Special occasions in Britain often require a multitude of different dress codes.

For private events such as parties, balls, etc. the dress code will usually be stated on the invitation.

Public events – for example, Royal, Ascot, Henley Royal Regatta etc. vary in formality and the required dress code often depends on what type of ticket or enclosure badge you have.

Dress codes are strictly observed in Britain – failure to comply should be considered rude or, at worse, you would be refused entry to the event.

Ensure that you dress correctly with our essential guides to what to wear…

Black Tie – Gentlemen

Black Tie is sometimes referred to as ‘dinner jackets’, ‘dress for dinner’ and ‘cravate noir’ or in, America, as ‘tuxedos.’

Traditional Black Tie for men consists of:

*Black wool dinner jacket. Single-breasted with no vents, silk peaked lapels (or shawl collar) and covered buttons

*Black trousers – slightly tapered – with a single row of braid down each outside leg

*While Marcella evening shirt with a soft turn-down collar, worn with cufflinks and studs

*Black bow tie and hand tied; avoid novelty ties or colors

*Highly polished or patent black lace-up shoes

*Black silk socks, long enough to ensure that no leg will show between the trouser leg and sock when seated

*A white silk scarf is an optional but traditional accessory

Top Tip: cummerbunds or low cut black evening waistcoats are rarely worn nowadays.

Ladies

For ladies, a smart dress (such as a cocktail dress) is appropriate. It can be long or short, as long as it’s not too short. It need not be black.

White Tie

White Tie is the most formal, and rare, of dress codes, worn in the evening for royal ceremonies and balls. It may also be specified for formal evening weddings.

White Tie is sometimes referred to as ‘full evening dress’ or ‘cravate blanche’.

Gentlemen

Traditional White Tie for men consists of:

*Black single-breasted tail coat with silk lapels, worn unbuttoned (never to be confused with a morning coat)

*Black trousers to match the tail coat, with two lines of braid down each outside leg

*While Marcella shirt with a detachable wing collar, cufflinks and studs

*Thin, white, hand-tied Marcella bow-tie

*White Marcella evening waistcoat – double or single-breasted

*Black patent lace-up shoes and black silk socks

*In Winter, a black overcoat and white silk scarf can be worn

Top Tip: Nowadays, it is rare to wear a top hat and many see it as a pointless exercise as it is only worn en route to the event, and therefore generally goes unnoticed.

Ladies

For ladies, a long (never short), formal evening gown should be worn. Evening gloves are no longer compulsory.

ETIQUETTE ~ COLLEGE AND BEYOND ~ YOUR CELL

Emily Post Etiquette

College and Beyond ~ You’re on your own, and it’s great!

But what do you do when your roommate never does the dishes, you don’t know what to wear to a job interview, and your friends haven’t let you know if they’re coming to your big party?

We can show you how to successfully navigate the pleasures and perils of independent life. You can browse the articles and videos below or search our site. It’s often the easiest way to find the articles you need.

If you can’t find the answer here, our books provide a complete resource for life in college and beyond.

Your Cell

The essential rules of phone etiquette

Four Essential Cell Phone Rules

*1. Turn it off. If the ringing of your phone is going to bother the people around you – especially if you’re in a meeting, at a play or movie or concert, or in a quiet place like a library or church – turn your phone off or switch the ringer to silent or vibrate mode.

*2. Step away. Whenever you’re around other people and you receive or make a cell phone call, move a short distance away so that you can talk without disturbing the people around you. If you’re with a group, simply excuse yourself for a few minutes. “Sorry, I need to take this call. I’ll be right back.” Then keep the call as brief as possible.

*3. Don’t say anything personal, private or confidential if you’re in a place where others might be able to overhear you. Instead, arrange a time to call back when you can speak privately.

*4. Watch the volume. For some reason, people’s phone voices are always louder than the voice they use in normal conversation. Add to that the noise of a busy sidewalk or the background noise of a public place, and the urge to shout can become overwhelming. But remember – you’re the one fighting to hear over the noise, not the person you’re speaking with. So give everyone a break, and remember to tone it down.

Cell Tips: What to Do Where

If your cell phone rings and you’re…

… In a restaurant

Excuse yourself from the table and take the call in another room, such as an anteroom, restroom or lobby. Never disturb your own table and other diners by making or taking a call while sitting at the table. (Some ‘cell-phone free’ restaurants now actually require diners to check their phones at the door.)

…On the street

Be careful not to talk too loudly. And since talking on a phone has been shown to distract people from their immediate surroundings, for safety’s sake, pay extra attention to where you’re walking.

… At the movies

If there’s an all-important call that you absolutely have to take, set your ringer ahead of time to “vibrate” and try to sit in an aisle seat if possible. When your phone rings, quickly excuse yourself to the lobby to answer the call.

… In a car or on a train or bus

Since the people traveling with you in a car or on a bus or train are a captive audience, you should restrict yourself to only the most essential calls – let your rehashing of last night’s party wait until the trip’s over – and keep all phone conversations as short as possible. On a train, consider stepping into the vestibule area between train cars to make any lengthy calls. If you’re riding in a “quiet car” on a train, keep your phone on “vibrate” and move immediately to the vestibule or another car if you need to answer a call. Finally be aware that speaking on a handheld phone while driving is now against the law in many places so if you need to make or answer a call while you’re at the wheel, either pull over or get a headset that will let you talk while leaving your hands free.

News Flash: You Don’t Always Have to Answer It

Before cell phones and caller ID, we invited friends over, and they spent hours without answering their phones. Those landline phones stayed at home. Today, people don’t go to the bathroom without taking a cell phone. If your cell phone rings constantly, keep in mind that you’re putting the people you’re hanging out with “on hold” every time you take a call. When you’re with friends, use your judgment before reaching for that ringing phone; in fact, think twice about even leaving it on. After all, your caller can always leave a message.

When you decide to break away to take a call, excuse yourself and step away. If the call involves anything other than a very brief conversation, let the caller know that it’s not a good time to talk and you’ll call him or her back at another time.

Remember: You are in control of your cell phone.

Taking a call signals that the person you are with is less important than the person calling. If that’s not the impress you want to make, don’t take the time to call – the caller can always leave a message.

Text Messaging

I love text messaging

With it you can get a message to someone without causing their phone to ring at an in opportune time, ask a friend a question and let them respond at their leisure, or just shout out a quick greeting to someone without making a big deal about it. There are, however, a few text-message etiquette tips to keep in mind.

*Text-messaging is not an alternative to using the phone when calling would be considered rude. You would not take a call in the middle of a movie, a performance, or a meeting, and likewise, you should not send text messages.

*Make sure you’re texting to the right phone number! It’s very easy to dial the wrong number or select the wrong phone book entry.

*Don’t text message anything confidential, private or potentially embarrassing. You never know when someone might be looking over your significant other’s shoulder – or worse yet, when your message might get sent to the wrong person.

*If you text-message someone who doesn’t have your phone number, start your message by stating who you are: “Hi – it’s Kate (yoga). Chiropractor’s number is: 1-802-555.2020. Good luck.”

*When you get a chance, respond to a text message with either brief text message or a phone call.

*Just as you should not be answering your phone during a conversation, you should not send a text message when you are engaged with someone else. If you are with someone who will not stop text messaging during your conversation, feel free to excuse yourself until they have concluded their messaging.

*You shouldn’t use text messaging when informing someone of sad news, business matters, or urgent meetings, unless it’s to set up a phone call on the subject.

*If you receive a text message that was sent to you by mistake, reply explaining that you aren’t the intended recipient. You don’t have to respond to anything else in the message.

*Finally, remember that as with email, you can’t know for sure when the recipient is going to read his or her message – so don’t freak out if your text message doesn’t get an immediate response.