Chapter 1 and 2

Etiquette At College By Nellie Ballou

Chapter 1 Manners at College
A college student is thrown suddenly into a community very different from his home and school environment. He finds new ideas, new opportunities, new friends about him. But they must be won by his own efforts. 
He has little chance to ask or wonder what to do as he faces situations that are important to his present comfort and future success. He wants to make good; to scratch his high mark on college records; to have his share of popularity. He realizes that it all depends, not upon pull or money or looks, but upon his ability to adapt himself successfully to these new conditions and to make the most of the chances that come day by day.
The boy or girl who holds an alert attitude toward college life may be sure of the best the college has to offer. Each has his own problems arising from personality and individual talents, but the routine problems of college environment are common to all students alike. They harass the wealthy young person thrown for the first time upon his own responsibility, just as they worry the boy who comes with a little roll of bills for the first semester's expenses and the rest of his way to earn.
How shall he make a good impression upon several hundred people who never heard of him before? How shall he gain friends that will last? How can he make sure of good times and popularity?
Is money for or against one? Can a student making his own expenses hope to take part in society life? What does one need to take along to college? What will the roommate be like? Should one share with Roommate one's secrets,letters, hopes and fears, or remain more or less of an unknown quantity?
There are many questions like these that are too shy for public inquiry. They come from the hearts of boys and girls who want to be popular and beloved; who want to be sought after by desirable groups of student society. What makes seemingly ordinary persons so popular when others with brilliance and ambition go neglected? What is the secret of drawing friends--the law of attraction?
Established college circles judge things on a different basis from time-honored decrees of opinion and fiction. They call good-looking many men and women who seem homely of feature. One who is considered "the real thing" may puzzle a freshman who sees in the example no hint of beauty, genius or heroic action. Customs and traditions are puzzling and handicap until one recognizes, understands and observes them.
Shall the student's parents who are old grads, accompany him and see him started in, or will their kind care react on his standing in the eyes of fellow-students who come alone? Is his southern accent apt to be an asset or a drawback? Shall he admit he plays the guitar? May he tell the college president that his uncle is a trustee and that he is descended from a Mayflower ancestor? Will it help his standing with the fraternity he covets if he drops a word about his father's resources?
What distinguishes the star athletes from those who are "nearly as good" but never make the first team? Why does the tall, graceful girl go home to cry because her name is not among the dancers chosen for the pageant? Why do they omit a certain gifted fellow from the staff of the college weekly?
Why are some girls always busy when beseiged for dates? Why do other smile upon meeting one? When girls meet boys they like, they are especially anxious to make no false moves. Is it forward to ask the boy to call? Or should they wait for the boys to take the initiative? What should one do when the boy does not take the initiative? When one is asked to pour tea for a friend in the town, what should she borrow to wear? How should she answer an invitation to bridge that came on her hostess's visiting card?
Many boys and girls hesitate to attend social affairs because of shyness when they have in them qualities which with a little care and understanding will fairly shine. What are these qualities and how can they be developed?
How is one supposed to act with a faculty member? How much should one tell in home letters? How can one control the reputation for brilliancy or stupidity that seems to spring full grown upon the campus? Why does the over-anxious student seldom make the fraternity desired? May a girl call up a man at his fraternity? What should one know about wearing fraternity pins?
How did it happen that some of the gifted students failed in the dramatic club try-out, leaving a list to be posted that surprised every one?
Why was the college paper staff suspended from publishing the weekly? What was the objection to a bit of hazing?
Why wasn't he asked again to visit the old friends of his parents? Should he feel slighted at a dinner invitation to take the place of another who could not go? Did every one know he wasn't likely to be dining any where but at the dormitory? How should he entertain a visiting alumnus? What calls is he obliged to make? How can he build up a pleasant social life in town as well as in the college? Why do so many college engagements come to grief? What distinguishes a popular man from one who is tolerated merely because another dress-suit is need at the party?
And the student's sister? Her perplexities may be smaller but they can spoil many hours. What shall she wear at the fraternity masquerade party? How can she avoid seeming a wall flower at a dance where she knows so few men? Will her partner see to it that she has a good time all evening? When she goes to a luncheon, is she supposed to keep on her hat and gloves? And how long should she stay afterward? If she is having a guest for the weekend and thinks of asking Mrs. Grayson to include the girl in her dinner party, will it be permissible? 
There are scores of other questions which come up in everyday contacts. If one does not know how to meet them readily, they lead to uncomfortable half-hours or disappointing evenings, raised eyebrows and shrugged shoulders. Half of the situations in which a student is placed are perplexing because they develop suddenly and without warning at a time when he is intent upon learning new people and new customs. To put him on his guard, and to help him know the formalities and informalities of college life as it is likely to present itself, is the object of these chapters. 

Chapter II -- A Good Start
The new student assures himself of a welcome and an excellent chance for successful college life, when he makes inquiries in advance concerning the college and its advantages. He should also investigate the course he intends to take, the requirements for entrance, and the standing which is assigned to graduates by future employers.
For many reasons, the general standing of the school had better be estimated by outsiders. It should be considered in regard to faculty, reputation, health conditions and should be judged, most of all, by the type of men or women it sends out into the world. Colleges stamp their graduates with unfailing marks by which they may be distinguished during after-years. 
The principal of the secondary school one leaves holds a conference with each student several months before his matriculation, and makes arrangements to transfer credits and recommendations to the higher institution.
If entrance examinations are required, the student has to be notified in time to take them at the time and place designated by the college office. Inquiries and arrangements are completed in most cases before the summer closing of the school.

Inquiries
Careful examination of college catalogs saves asking many questions of the officials.
Expenses and fees are printed in the catalog. The question of tuition puzzles some students. Tuititio of course means the fee paid for actual teaching and class work. State universities charge nothing for tuition to residents of the state, because support from public funds helps to pay the instructors. In endowed schools and colleges, a fixed sum is charged, in no manner meeting the actual cost per student. The deficit is made up by the income from college funds. Some universities charge a fixed rate for each point or semester hour elected by the student.
In asking questions of college officials, letters should be clear and brief, written on business paper in correct form, and addressed to the proper person. The names and titles may be found in the college catalog, and should be spelled correctly if one wishes to be remembered with pleasure.
In a coeducational college, the Dean of Men has charge of the affairs relating to men of the institution, and the Dean of Women is in charge if girls. The Registrar receives credits and applications for registration. The Treasurer handles money matters. Assignment of rooms may be under a special official or bureau.
A new student seldom has a choice of rooms, but takes cheerfully whatever dormitory accommodations may be assigned to him. A deposit of room rent is paid when the room is engaged. If a change pf plan occurs, the deposit is refunded when notice is given before a certain date.
Registration is not completed, and in most colleges one may not attend classes, until all bills are paid. The student should have an understanding with the Treasurer beforehand if he is obliged to make different arrangements. Sometimes a certain percentage is paid at registration, and the remainder later in the semester. 
Scholarships have to be secured far in advance. Students give service in return for board, room or tuition, by waiting on the tables in dormitories or student boarding clubs, working about the campus, or assisting in the buildings. New students sometimes are granted service scholarships through the office of the president in small colleges. It is looked upon as wrong for any one who can buy his way to take the chances from boys and girls who are without means, for scholarships are limited to a small proportion of the student body.
Honorary scholarships are offered by colleges to certain secondary schools to encourage honor graduates to continue their studies. They require no service in return, but the holders of them are expected to keep up to standard and contribute their best efforts to college life in whatever way they can. 
Students who show proficiency in certain departments soon find chances to assist in classes and laboratories. Their reward may be in the form of extra credits, money, or glory. In any event, such assistant work is a good recommendation in securing positions, or in applying for university fellowships after graduation.

EQUIPMENT
Some college dormitories are completely furnished and equipped. In others, linen,decorations and draperies are provided by the students. Laundry facilities vary from the village wash-woman to the modern call-and-deliver system. Knowing what to expect saves delay in adjusting oneself.
A gymnasium suit is practically a uniform, and is ordered to measure when gym classes are organized. It is well to wait until one is in touch with the physical director in the purchasing of any sort of athletic clothing.
In choosing sweaters, jackets and campus headgear, the student is wise to avoid anything that resembles the official badge of athletes, awarded for distinction in sports. Likewise, he does not display sweaters, caps or uniforms in the colors of rival colleges. He avoids anything that looks like pretense or conspicuousness. 
Classes usually adopt insignia to distinguish their members on the campus and in intramural contests. However brilliant their colors may be, they are in keeping with college spirit, for with many wearers they become a badge or uniform. Personal belongings depend upon the college and its surroundings, as well as upon the individual student. The more experienced a traveler is, the less luggage he carries about with him, and he has is adapted to his needs.
Good libraries and book exchanges make it possible for a student to get along without his private library. Textbooks usually may be purchased second-hand or rented from former students in a course. If there is any prejudice in regard to used books, it appears to be in their favor, to judge from the "Wanted" and "For Sale" notices posted on bulletin boards in the student halls.
Certain possessions have won a place as assets to dormitory dwellers; a small camera; a steamer rug or army blanket for comfort indoors, or to use at late autumn picnics and games; a cushion or two of dark, sturdy material; a memory book; any sort of musical instrument one can play; and equipment for sports and games the environment permits. These things are used constantly and never are in the way. 

FIRST IMPRESSIONS
The adaptable student finds new surroundings full of opportunities to live and learn and make good. No stranger is expected to know exactly what to do and where to go in a community he never has seen before, and he does not appear awkward except to himself. By observing others, rather than by making himself a center of attraction, the newcomer soon gets his bearings, falls in easily with local custom, and becomes a member in good standing of his chosen college.
To be inconspicuous is the prayer of the harried freshman, and finding his way about occupies his first days. After that, he begins to realize that certain attitudes on his part bring him help and information, and keep obliging upper classmen at his side as guardians and friends:
Alert interest and straightforward inquiry have taken away his bewilderment. He is eager to listen, but does not talk much unless somebody questions him, when he responds frankly and cheerfully.
He does not ask questions unless they are definite and can be answered in a few words.
He appreciates the scenes and landmarks which have grown dear to older students, and knows they will seem the same to him after their significance grows upon him. He respects customs and traditions even though he can see as yet no point to them.
He is grateful for friendly help and for pleasant company, and says so sincerely, but does not try to impose on good nature by tagging his benefactors. He is the freshman whom upper classmen remember and like from the start.

GOOD LOOKS
An attractive appearance us an asset to a successful start in college society. Good looks consist of far more than beauty of face, which is scarcely heeded when charm and distinction are present.
Carriage ranks high as a mark of the best type of college student. Slouchiness seldom is seen in those who have powers of leadership. The alert mind and active, well-poised body go with the personality of those who are prominent in college circles. 
The voice, too, forms evidence for or against a newcomer. The agreeable voice, used just enough, gives an interpretation of good breeding and culture in its owner.
Clothes for the student must be conservative, sturdy and suitable. Material and line count for more than passing fashion. A conspicuous garment or a fancy creation is an enemy to the student whom it brings to notice on the campus.
To be well-groomed is the final touch that distinguishes the real gentleman and gentlewoman from those who pretend to fine manners. A few minutes a day assure hair is always brushed, clean and glossy; a wholesome, fresh skin; teeth, that gleam; hands and nails that need no apology; clothes put on securely and neatly; shoes with heels in repair, and a reasonable polish. These few things that become automatic habits are merely a duty to one's person, but they are more: they are the basis of physical attractiveness to those who must associate day after day with the student in intimate contact.

THE "SEND OFF"
It is a temptation to parents who have gone to college to accompany their children when the latter enter. If they yield to this friendly impulse, their stay should be entirely social. It is better for them to take lodgings in town and come to the campus only as visiting alumni.
In all academic matters, it is for the student to see to his own registration, interviews with faculty members and entering classes, and to take his chances unaided and on an equal basis with the others who have come to school alone.
When a mother accompanies her daughter to school, stays with her in the dormitory, helps her unpack, and then departs, she leaves the poor girl to an attack of homesickness, and her presence makes it harder for other girls who have just left their mothers for the first time.
The ideal time for the family to visit, is after the student is settled and can find his way about--- perhaps by Thanksgiving time. Then they come as honored guests to the halls, meet new friends he has made, accompany him to classes, and visit members of the faculty as the guests rather than guides of their proud young relative.
Thus they carry away the memory of an alert, capable student who is a real personage, instead of the dazed, uncertain newcomer of a few weeks before. It is more pleasant for all concerned.