Ladylaws: Holiday Special: The No-No Gifts

Holiday Special: The No No Gifts – By Lauren Conrad December 12^th, 2011

Now that we’re all experts in gift giving etiquette, I thought it would be fun to go over a few of the universal off-limit gifts. These items are typically uncouth to give to particular people for the holidays… Below is a quick reference guide to help you properly shop for all those included on your list.

Unless you’re romantically involved with someone, do not give them perfume or cologne (unless it’s a close family member or a good friend). Aside from having major romantic implications, it could also suggest that you think they smell bad…

Again, intimates are also reserved for those who are romantically tied. Fun pajamas are great, but frilly lingerie, not so much.

While alcohol is usually an excellent gift, mind the recipient. If you know them well and know they drink alcohol, by all means, give them the bubbly! If not, be careful. Last year I decided to do group gifts by giving everyone a bottle of champagne. However, I had to be careful since I knew a few people who were sober. In this situation, Lizzie Post, co-author of the 18^th Edition of Emily Post’s Etiquette, suggests a two-step approach. Firstly, “Is their sobriety public?” If so, you are in the clear to give them an alternative gift such as chocolates. Secondly, if the person is on the quieter side about their sobriety, give everyone the same gift at the party. Or if you are going to be giving gifts in private, ask them ahead of time if they’d prefer to have something else. Post suggests, “Sometimes the best way to go about it is quiet honesty… It’s okay to reach out to someone if you’re coming from a place of love and respect.” This way you can make them feel comfortable and avoid accidentally outing their sobriety to others. Also, be cautious of giving alcohol to pregnant women. If you decide to give a pregnant woman an alcoholic gift, include a note saying it is for them to enjoy after the baby arrives.

Speaking of taboos, what’s the most inappropriate gift you ever received?

Ladylike Laws: Holiday Gift Giving

Ladylike Laws: Holiday Gift Giving – By Lauren Conrad  on December 7^th, 2011

Gift giving can be a sticky subject. How much should you spend? Do you give your boss a present? Is re-gifting okay? How do you handle unexpected gifts? These are common questions many of us may find ourselves asking each holiday season. Fortunately, there are some clear-cut rules when it comes to giving gifts…

How much should I spend? First off, forget stressing over giving people things that have the same monetary value of what they gave you. Instead, figure out the nicest thing you can afford within your means. The best way to figure this out is to make a list of everyone you want to give a gift to. Then determine how much you can (not want) to spend on each person. Having a budget will keep your holiday spending in perspective. Gift giving is about being thoughtful and showing appreciation, it’s not about going into debt.

Who should I give gifts to? Give presents to the people you want to show your appreciation to such as family and close friends. If you are part of a big group and don’t want to leave anyone out, arrange a gift exchange or plan a Secret Santa with a price point that works for everyone ($10 to $25) is most appropriate). As for people who celebrate different holidays, it’s totally okay to give them a present so long as it isn’t anything religious.

What’s the present protocol for work? According to co-author of the 18^th Edition of Emily Post’s Etiquette, Lizzie Post, the one person you really shouldn’t give a gift to is your boss. “When you’re in a work environment, and there is a team of people working together, if you give your boss a gift it can often come across as trying to buy good favor.” However if you work at a company with 10 people and want to give something to your boss, Post suggests making it a group effort. That way it doesn’t come across as though you’re fishing for brownie points. If you happen to be close friends with your boss, keep it personal and give him or her a gift outside of the office. As for co-workers, Post says to “tread carefully”. While there will inevitably be people you are close to, try not to show favoritism. If you have a personal relationship with someone outside of the office, Post advises to give him or her a gift somewhere other than work. Otherwise, if you give one person a card, give everyone a card. Another idea is bring in a treat for the entire office to share. (Check out my Recipe Box for ideas!) Communal gifts that can be shared are ideal.

To re-gift or not to re-gift? Opt for not. Not only is re-gifting dishonest, you will most likely get caught (or be paranoid about getting caught). Re-gifting entirely defeats the purpose of gift giving. Gifts are meant to be a reflection of your gratitude for someone-something that has been thoughtfully selected by you for someone you care about. Re-gifting is both thoughtless and wrong. If you’re strapped for cash, make the gift instead. DIY gifts are from the heart and the recipient will surely appreciate it far more than a random store-bought present.

How do I handle unexpected gifts? If someone gives you a present out of the blue, you are not required to reciprocate. Instead of scrambling for an excuse as to why you do not have a gift for them, graciously accept the gift and say thank you. Stammering for an explanation will only make things worse. And besides, you shouldn’t feel compelled to give just because you received.

Are gift cards and gift receipts okay? Yes! Gift cards are actually very thoughtful since you need to consider the recipient’s interests. And it’s much better than giving someone cash, which many consider gauche. As for gift receipts, it’s always a good idea to include them. It tells the recipient you understand if  they don’t like the gift and it’s okay for them to return it in exchange for something they really love.

I hope you found today’s Ladylike Laws post helpful! I’ll be doing a follow up blog about the major no-no gifts next week.

What’s the strangest gift you’ve ever received?

Ladylike Laws: Navigating First Dates

Ladylike Laws: Navigating First Dates

Welcome to my very first Ladylike Laws post! Today, I’ll be talking about the do’s and don’ts of first date etiquette. I think it’s safe to say first dates are amongst the most nerve-racking of social encounters. Everything about a first date is indefinite. The margin for inevitable awkward moments is gaping. To prevent faulty moves on your part, you need to know how to play the first date game. A true lady can navigate even the worst of dates with ease and finesse by knowing what is and isn’t kosher. When you know how to play the game, you’ll be that much more confident and prepared for the unknown. You won’t have to second-guess what to do when the bill comes. And you won’t make yourself look bad by picking the wrong restaurant.

This is where I come in. I’ve put together the basic tenants of first date etiquette for you to keep in your back pocket. Remember these. They will make your next romantic rendezvous seem easy breezy! Here’s what you need to know:

Picking the venue: If you are given the task of selecting a restaurant or activity, pick something that isn’t too over-the-top or expensive. Opt for something reasonably priced. When it comes to restaurants, pick a place with a wide variety of menu options. (You never know what your mystery man palate requires…he might be vegan or allergic to shellfish!)

Meeting up: Ideally, the guy should pick you up from your home and drive you to the destination of the date. However; if this is not possible, meet at the location and don’t be a second late. It’s also a good idea to give a confirmation call the day before the date to make sure everyone is on the same page. This way you can avoid any confusion.

At the dining table: Throughout the date, sit up straight and maintain good posture. Slouching and leaning on your elbows is considered rude and unladylike. Use your best table manners throughout the meal (I’ll do a blog on restaurant dining etiquette soon!) And absolutely, positively do not look at your cellphone. It communicates boredom and disinterest.

The conversation: Ask questions about your date and listen. It’s in bad taste to talk about yourself the entire time. (Remember that episode of Sex & the City when Carrie nervously blabs on about herself to Aidan throughout the entire date? Don’t do that.) When in doubt, ask him a question. If you’re afraid the conversation will be dull, catch up on current events and pop culture as fallback topics. A few areas of conversation to avoid include politics, religion, money, previous relationships, deep dark secrets and the economy. Most importantly, never be critical in conversation or bad mouth anyone.

Ordering: Be considerate of what you order. Just because you’re on a date doesn’t give you a free pass to order the most expensive thing on the menu. Instead, pick something at midrange price point. If you’re still unsure, take a cue from your date: Ask him what he is ordering and pick something of equivalent or lesser value. If your date orders an appetizer or starter salad, follow suit and order something to start with as well. That way, you will be eating at the same time and can avoid the awkward “Do I dig in?” or “I don’t want to sit here and watch you eat.” This same rule of thumb goes for cocktails as well. If you decide to order an alcoholic drink, keep it to a minimum as they can get pricy and you definitely should not get drunk. Let your date learn about you in a sober state. Lastly, order items that are easy to eat and do not require your hands (no sandwiches, burgers, spaghetti etc.) I also suggest staying away from foods with excessive herbs and leafy greens. It’s not worth risking the embarrassment living through 45 minutes of an intimate dinner with oregano lodged between your front teeth. Finally, take it easy on the garlic and onions, too.

Eating: Put your knife to work! As you make your way through your meal, cut each bite into a manageable size to avoid looking like a hungry baby bird. Don’t cut it into pieces first and then eat, instead cut as you go. If you do not finish your meal, do not take it to go. Doggie bags are considered passé on a first date. (I wish I had known this when I started dating!)

Footing the bill: A gentleman should always pay the bill. It may sound old-fashioned, but it’s proper etiquette. The best way to navigate the bill is to subtly offer to pay. It’s important to make sure your date s aware you didn’t go on a date just for a free meal. The best way to do this is to reach for your purse when the bill comes to the table. Most likely your date will tell you not to worry about it and will take care of paying. If he doesn’t stop you, don’t be hurt. At this point, just split the bill. It should be noted that some guys find it insulting when you offer to pay so this is definitely something you need to feel out. Personally, I suggest sticking with the “subtle offer” since it’s the best way to gauge the situation.

The goodbye: Some dates go really well and the chemistry is on point, while others fail to impress. I suppose the silver lining of a bad date is that you walk away with a great story… Needless to say, for most, “the goodbye” is the most puzzling part of the entire date. By the end you should have a pretty good idea whether or not there will be another date. If you’re hoping to rendezvous again, give him a warm hug, thank him for dinner and imply that you’d love to do it again soon. Save your kisses for date #2 (unless he is a cheek kisser). Otherwise, if you can’t get away from him fast enough, shake his hand, thank him for dinner and leave it at that. I hope all you ladies find this helpful!

Put of curiosity, what’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?

The Ladylike Laws: Manners Matter

The Ladylike Laws: Manners Matter

I have always found matters concerning etiquette fascinating. Different customs, traditions and pillars of decorum vary widely across cultures and I love learning about them. (I guess you could say I’m a closet enthusiast of cultural anthropology. And maybe I’m feeling inspired after having read The Help.) Needless to say, in our need-it-now, “Sorry I’m Facebooking!” I’ll-tweet-you-later world, manners have been left by the wayside. So why should we care? Etiquette makes social situations easier to navigate. Furthermore, having good manners is key to showing and gaining respect. By knowing what’s oncouth, you will be more confident in yourself and likely more adored by others! And who doesn’t want to be liked?

In a nutshell, etiquette is a set of social rules adopted by a society or culture over time. (Thanks, Emily Post!). Most rules are simply known, while others are documented.

Remember all those books we read before starting school? “It’s not okay to poke your friends in the eye or kick them in the shins as a means of hello.” Most likely, we wouldn’t know this unless we were taught otherwise. The bottom line here is etiquette sets the norm for how people treat each other (and want to be treated). It’s the unwritten “How to Interact with Other People Guide for Dummies.”

I bet you have engaged in a dozen variations of proper etiquette today. For starters, you probably woke this morning, brushed your teeth and got ready for the day. Proper hygiene and timeliness are both ways to exercise etiquette on a daily basis. You also probably greet friends, family and loved ones with warm and kindness. There it is again-etiquette lurking… All of our daily interactions are in one way or another based on some standard of decorum. It’s when we come upon new, awkward or uncommon social situations that knowing your manners truly matters: first dates, hugging, interviews, wedding gifts, texting, bridal showers, eating sushi, emailing, even pinning on Pininterest (who knew?)… Every aspect of social engagement requires some level of courtesy to others. Here’s where I come in.

I’m not pointing fingers. I’m guilty of some of the worst offenses. I text during dinner, I forget to write thank you notes, I’m usually late… Needless to say, I figured this series would be a fun and informative way for us to learn about the general dos and don’ts of modern life. (Queue Rocko’s Modern Life theme song…now). No, I’m not going to tell you how to live per say. I am, however, going to provide you with the tools and knowledge you need to navigate uncomfortable and unfamiliar (and a few basic) social situations with a little finesse.

Over the past few weeks, I have finally tackled my stack of etiquette books and am excited to share all the discoveries with you… Did you know you’re not supposed to take home a doggy bag of leftovers on your first date? Ever. Wish I had known this back in high school…  Together we will learn all the laws to being a modern day lady!

If you have any requests, leave them in the comments below and I’ll do my best to cover that topic.

My first Ladylike Laws post will be about first dates.

Bruffey Manor

Whodunnitmysteries.com

Bruffey Manor

This is an all girl party, ages 10-14 years, and a “Choose your Own Ending” style game.

Story Summary

The fearless young women gathered tonight at Bruffey Manor are all here for a variety of personal reasons. Some know each other, others just want a cheap thrill.

The house has long been deserted but not abandoned. Someone (or something) keeps the taxes paid so it can not be torn down. Is the manor haunted? Why would ghosts haunt this place? Cheap rent? Hidden treasure they guard? Or just took a wrong turn while looking for Liverpool in the fog?

Bring a flashlight as the ghosts haven’t paid the electricity bill recently. Bring your wits because you will help determine the outcome of the game.

Full Story

The old Bruffey Manor sits on a hill outside of town. For years the local people have been divided in their opinion as to whether or not it is haunted. On windy, stormy nights, lights are sometimes seen flashing in the windows and strange sounds come from the building.

The Manor is not really abandoned, just deserted, so the police have hesitated to enter and to try and prove anything. Besides, it’s technically out of the city limits.

The Bruffey’s were a well-to-do manufacturing family in the late 1890’s and were said to have made several million dollars selling canned stew to the Army during the 1898 Spanish-American War. Local jokers claim that since Luke Bruffey was the town dog catcher, much of the meat in the stew was dog meat (with a little cat meat thrown in occasionally).

People claim that the spirits of the troops which died after eating the stew, came back and drove the Bruffey’s insane. It is said dogs bark when strangers are in the house. Are there such things as ghost dogs? No one has even seen a dog anywhere near the Manor.

The local Rotary club has offered a ski trip to North Dakota to anyone who can prove that the house either is or is not haunted. Edie Parker has volunteered to do this for them, taking her sister Connie along.

County Sheriff deputies have received several reports of strange cars and flashing lights at the Manor. “Irish” Swenson is convinced that something is going on at the Manor and next week will get a warrant to investigate, so time is short for amateur investigators.

Not everyone here is what they claim to be. One of the challenges is to discover who has a sinister reason for being here. For an abandoned house, there certainly seems to be a bunch of people here!

10 Character Cast List

Bobbie Gubanski – Radio Announcer. She’s looking for an opportunity to move into the big time. The wrong decision may get her a big time funeral.

Ann Franklin – A scientist with good credentials. Well maybe pretty good. Well, at least she graduated from some place.

Edie Parker – Sister of Connie Parker. Very tough, roller derby heroine, and out to prove something. We aren’t sure she knows what yet.

Connie Parker – Edie’s sister. She goes where Edie goes. Very loyal, but now beginning to realize the difference between loyalty and stupidity. This may be the last shared experience if Edie doesn’t use good sense.

Mary Lou Desmond – UPS driver. We don’t know what she is doing in the game. Neither does she, but we needed another player to even things out.

Robin Dixon – She just wants a good night’s sleep. Not all the hassle she is going to get when this group invades the scene.

Becca Bruffey – Her name appears to be remarkably similar to Bruffey Manor. Could there be a connection or is this a coincidence?

Susan Folsom – She hopes to be able to gain from this night’s activity. She knows what FBI means. It is interesting that her name is the same as a large prison in California. Maybe she doesn’t have much imagination in her choice of an alias.

Scooter – A pizza delivery gal who wants to make something more of herself than a cheese slicer.

Winkie – Scooter’s friend and companion for this delivery. Not afraid of dark places! She believes Scooter who has said before that there is something strange about the Manor.

11-20 Character Cast List

Jeannie Fambnnie – Deals in tickets. She can fix yours if you pay her. Deals in death.

Trixie Wintrop – Very nice person except for her pet likes. One of those people you enjoy as a stranger.

Elizabeth Yancy – Very slight law enforcement record. Family problems over the normal reason—money.

Edith Zenith – Had an abnormal childhood. Worth staying on the other side of the party in case she wants to talk with you.

Ferny Reer – One of the highlights of her night is to find a “Queen Frilly”. Is there a fungus among us?

Eniale – Poor Peru, they really miss you. They need you there. Your family does know how to spell their name.

Irene Ansin – Loves to play games. The Manor may not be as much fun as she thinks. Some of the inhabitants don’t like to be bothered.

Ruthie Rogers – You are tired of jokes being played on you. You are going to stop this tonight at the Manor. Be advised, enough is enough!

Karin Oliver – Life has been dull so far. We hope you don’t find more excitement than you want at the Manor.

Tig – You really don’t belong here. Maybe you should not be here! Is it too late to excuse yourself from the party?