Shot
in the Dark Mysteries Featured Host Gillian Duffy One Giant Step
Traveler,
Giant Stepper, On the road to Expat-dom.
Shot
In The Dark Mysteries is excited to announce our inaugural Featured Host,
Gillian Duffy of One Giant Step.
Following
on the heels of their one year RTW trip Gillian, and her partner Jason, have packed
up again and hit the road in search of a home outside of their “home and native” land. Check out Gillian’s
newest project The
Global Bookshelf; Connecting Travelers To A World Of Stories. A place to find stories
to connect you to the trip you’re already planning… or the one you’re dreaming
of.
She
has been hanging out in Thailand
What is your favorite type
of party to host or attend?
I
like parties where there is a good mix of people that I know and people that I don’t
know but who are interested in meeting new people. Nothing worse than a party
with people who aren’t interested in meeting new folk! A theme always helps
with the icebreaking; gives everyone a starting point for conversation!
In your experience, does
party hosting differ around the world?
I
haven’t really been to any parties abroad. Usually it’s random traveler get
togethers where everyone is interested in chatting with someone new.
Tell us a bit about your
travel-themed party.
I’ve
been part of two travel themed parties. I thought each worked really well.
#1
Destination Themed
For
this party, before we left on our RTW trip, we had a pot luck dinner with each
guest bringing a dish from one of the countries we were to visit. We drew names
to determine who would represent what country and everyone had fun researching
the place and coming up with a dish. With 14 countries on the list it was quite
a varied menu to say the least! People researched history and culture as well
as food preparation and some also brought along drinks that would be popular in
a place. I was impressed with how everyone got into it. It was a fun way to get
everyone involved with our trip planning and a great way to learn about where
we were going.
#2
Slideshow Themed. We’ve done this two ways.
a)
We hosted an event when we returned from our trip. I prepared a slideshow from
our travels that illustrated some of the best (and worst) stories from our year
away. We rented a room, projector, and microphone, had a bar, and invited all
our friends. We hadn’t been home long and were struggling with how to share all
our stories with people without boring them to death! We brought our backpacks
to show how little we carried, wore our travel clothes (which were well worn by
then!), and showed our pictures. My presentation was about an hour and half
(with an intermission) and then we all just mingled and chatted. I was super
happy with how it turned out and it made me realize how much people want to
hear our stories. I recorded it (badly) and even posted one section on my blog.
b)
We were part of a get together not long after we returned. The group we
mountain bike with is a well traveled group and we all realized that we all had
pictures and stories to share so we got together to do just that. Each person
brought 5 or so pictures from their travels and we just projected them and
shared our many, and varied, travel stories. It was a fun evening of learning
more about where my friends had been as well as sharing my stories.
How many guests is an ideal
number?
I
think it depends on the party. The pot luck party and small picture sharing
were best at about 10-15 people because we mainly stuck in one group; more than
this would have meant splintering out and people would have been left out. The
presentation was quite large (50+) and could even have been larger because it
was me speaking and sharing in a traditional presentation style. Small groups
formed during the intermission and Jason and I made our rounds to try to
connect with everyone.
How do you serve your
food? (Sit down dinner or Buffet)
Buffet
always and I prefer snacky type foods to a whole meal. For travel themed
parties it’s always fun if the food and drink can relate to the destination(s)!
Rapid Fire: In one word
or less, answer these questions:
Favorite party food: I love that spinach dip
in a bread bowl. I know, so nineties! But it’s bread! And creamy goodness!
Everything I shouldn’t eat now. Bring it on!
Favorite party game as a
child: I
hated party games as a kid. I like them more now though as I see their value in
helping meet/connect with other guests.
You would never host
guests without: Enough alcohol to kill an elephant!
How To Instantly Make “Costumes”
Less Intimidating For Your Guests
Depending
on your hosting style, you may embrace the idea of a theme for attire, or you
may instantly think “costumes” and run for the hills. Regardless of your feelings, however, whether
you like it or not, your party has a theme and the one factor a theme dictates
is what you and your guests will wear.
Assuming
you have already identified and embraced your party’s theme, the attire to be
worn should easily follow suit, and you should communicate your wishes for that
attire clearly to your guests. For example, hosting a springtime tea party
could have a distinct dress theme attached to it, but if you want the ladies
you have invited to wear light, spring-y sun dresses and large hats, you need
to make that clear to them. A large majority of guests prefer to be instructed about
what to wear to a party. I help guests all the time who get in contact with me
to receive guidance or what to wear to a murder mystery party they are
attending. They don’t want to bother their host or think they should
instinctively know. A proactive indication of what the theme, as well as the
appropriate dress for the party, would easily clear that up and will give your
guests one less reason to decline the invitation.
I
shy away from the word “costume” when speaking of Shot In The Dark Mysteries’ themed (non-costume casual) mystery parties,
simply because people associate a lot of stress with those seven letters. While
some guests hear the word “Costume” and get excited, others recoil – it’s just another thing they
have to add to their already-swelling-to-do list.
As
with most things in life though, a bit of tact, class and style can communicate
your desire for your guests to dress a certain way without causing undue stress
(and, for the real introvert, avoidance of your phone calls until the event day
passes.) Aside from a few mysteries we carry, most of the “themes” are eras, which these
days are really easy to dress for. Telling your guests that the “dress code” or “requested attire” for the evening is Black
and White, 1920’s, 50’s, 60’s or 70’s dress is far more elegant than saying “Flapper Costumes
Mandatory,” and
will create far less anxiety in the apprehensive guest.
So,
whether you are pro-theme or the idea of “costumes” makes you itch, using the right wording can make the idea of
pre-determined attire (AKA “Costumes”) less intimidating for some of your guests.
A Quick Trick For
Choosing A Party Venue
Many
people planning a party think that having a large space is a good idea, but
really, having a party in a space that is too large can actually make your
party or event bomb. We (and by we I mean the Human Race, not us hosts) are naturally
attracted to things that are popular, and turned off by things that are not
popular. You may have a great turn-out at your event or party, but if you set
in a space that is too big and where people are too spaced out, it will appear
to people that the place is empty, therefore not popular and, thanks to our
human nature, not “happening.”
It’s
an easy trick, but one that can literally make or break the tome and thereby, the
success of your party. Simply, make sure that the place you’re holding the
party is large enough to give people room to circulate, but small enough that the
place will still looked packed, giving your guests the feeling that hey are
doing something that is popular.
In
addition to this psychological slight of hand, it also prevents people from
breaking off into cliques instead of intermingling which, as we all know, is
party suicide.
If
you have not choice and your party space is large, try blocking off areas with
partitions, room dividers and curtains to keep people from instinctually
spreading out in the open space. A well-placed buffet or drinks table has kept
my suspects and investigators in the same area on more than one occasion!
So,
when deciding which venue to book for your next event or which room(s) to use
in your house, for your next party, remember this trick to ensure your guests
feel they are somewhere popular and “happening” and set the tone for a great party!
Dealing With Unexpected
Guests
I
always tell our clients, “A growing party is the sign of a great host.” It’s a huge compliment
to have people clamoring to come to our parties, and when it comes to party
hosting, a predicament like having too many people want to come out to our
parties is about as close to a Party Hosting Oscar as we will ever get.
That’s
the good part, but as any seasoned host knows, an unexpected guest can throw a
serious wrench in one’s best-laid plans. As hosts, we tend to over-plan, and
having our vision of our perfect party hit the rails is the stuff of our
nightmares.
There
are two types of unexpected guests: the one that doesn’t RSVP and the type that
tags along with a guest who has RSVP’d. Gaaaa! Our menus! Our seating
arrangements! Our Murder Mystery Parties! (Did you like that shameless plug? Hahaha)
So,
being the compulsive planners we are, the Uninvited Guest scenario can be
well-handled with—what else? A bit of planning.
*1. Always make too much
food –
For any party, I always recommend making too much food. This is easy for
buffet-style refreshments, but in the case of a dinner party, I usually plan
for two extra portions: one for an extra guest if necessary, and one in case I drop
an entire plate of food on the floor. Which, with me, is very possible.
*2. Expand the Seating – If you’re having a
dinner party and you have not yet put the expansion leaf in your table, start
there. It’s better to have too much space at a dinner table than to have guests
bumping elbows as they cut their quiche. If you have run out of chairs and need
to use stack-stools or a plastic chair, always take this seat for yourself. Never
give sub-standard seating to a guest. If it’s really sticking out and ruining
your vibe, cover it with a sheet or a blanket. Bonus points for tying it with a
pretty ribbon or something else decorative.
*3. Divide the Food – If you don’t have
extra food, you’re not sunk yet. Divide up the existing portions as best as you
can, and if necessary, serve your food on smaller plates so that the portions
still look generous. Never give up your own portion for an unexpected guest, as
they will feel even more awkward than they (most likely) already do!
*4. Be Gracious – No matter what, when
faced with an unexpected guest, keep your cool. Remember, chances are, if they
are a tag-along, they feel just as strange about the situation as you do. Treat
them the same way you would treat your guests who have RSVP’d; greet them with
a drink, take their coat and remember that it’s not just your words, but your
facial expressions and body language that could give your feelings about the
situation away.
Above
all, remember the old adage, “The More, The Merrier,” and in the case of a party, it’s even more apt. A bit of
planning and thinking on your feet will make sure your unexpected guest feels
comfortable and welcome. No one need to know it’s the situation nightmares are
made of!
Staggering Guest Arrival
Times
In
keeping with our theme on greeting guests, one technique that I consider a “must-use” in any party larger than
six, is to stagger guests’ arrival time.
I
have mentioned in previous articles and our 60 Second Party Hosting Tip videos
how important it is to greet your guests properly. If you get this one thing
right – the greeting – the rest of the party can be a complete disaster and
your guest will still feel comfortable.
But
staggering your guests’ arrival times can make all other methods of making your
guests fell welcome fall into place.
The
idea is simple: tell guests to arrive at your home or small event at different
times. So, if your party begins at 8pm , tell some guests to
arrive at 7:45 , some to arrive at 8 and some to arrive at 8:15 . Depending on the sie
and reason for your party, you may want to make the arrival times earlier or
later than the actual “starting” time.
If
you have a few guests who always arrive early no matter what, give them the
earlier arrival time. On the other hand, if you have certain guests who always
arrive a bit late, give them the actual “start” time. So, in this example, if you are setting your “start” time at 8pm , give your early guests
the 7:45 arrival time, and your later guests the 8pm . Then, give your “right-on-time-to-a-fault” guests your latest
arrival time, 8:15 pm .
Staggering
the arrival time will allow you time with smaller groups of guests to make them
feel truly welcome at your party. You will have more time to get everyone a
drink and have a brief conversation with each guest. It will also give you the
opportunity to give guests who don’t know one another a quality introduction to
the others there. Once guests start talking amidst one another, you are free to
greet your next wave of guests, retrieve drinks and perform introductions once
again.
Using
this technique will help you feel and act relaxed and in control at your party
or event – and what host couldn’t use a bit more of that?
5 Steps to Maneuvering
the Party Store
When
we decide to throw a theme party, it’s time to hit the party store. I love
walking into the party store. The possibilities are endless, and I could spend
hours in there, picking up potential decorations and favors, comparing my
selection, finding more and, of course, playing with the masks and hats and all
of the other fun things in a party store. In fact, if you have been following our
60 Second Party Planning Tips video series, you have probably seen how much fun
I have in the party store.
The
truth is that the party store is usually a gigantic place with so many themed
decorations, costumes and props that it can be overwhelming at times, not to
mention a huge time-drain and hit to your wallet, so before you step foot
inside the party store, you need a plan.
Step 1: Choose your Theme – There is nothing that
makes your agenda and credit card hug each other and scream in terror like you
walking into the party store without first having selected a theme, because if
you don’t go in with one, you’ll walk out with seven, and probably even props
for parties you haven’t even thought of, let alone started planning yet.
Step 2: Decide What You
Need –
Ask yourself a few questions, like “What room(s) will I need to decorate? What types of
decorations will be functional and yet add to the décor? What do I consider to
be “tacky”? What type of feeling am I
trying to convey to my guests, and what decorations and props will fit in with
that?
Step 3: Determine Your
Budget –
The budget is one of the most important parts of throwing a party, not because it
stops you from spending too much money, but because it helps you decide how
best to spend money on your party. While you may have unlimited money in your
bank account and you may not care how much the party costs in the end (as long
as you and your guests have fun), the budget will tell you how to spend money
on your party in an organized way. And, of course, if you are trying to host a
party with a limited funds, your budget will help keep you from breaking the
bank at the party store.
Step 4: Set a Time Limit – My last trip to the
party store took 90 minutes, not including driving time. My husband, being a
typical guy who doesn’t understand the satisfaction shopping can bring, text me
to make sure I hadn’t gotten lost on the way home. Set a time limit – if not to
ensure you don’t waste your own time, then for your family so they don’t call
out search and rescue when you’re gone for eons.
Step 5: Go Solo – I know it’s fun going
to the party store with a friend, however we spend more time and more money
there when we go with a friend than if we were alone. This is because when we
are alone we treat this type of shopping as a mere errand, but when we go with
a friend it’s a social event, and we spend more money and time on a social event
than boring errands.
The
party store can be a crazy place for us hosts and hostesses, so make sure you
go with a plan or risk wasting time and money – sort of like this:
Greeting Guests
Throwing
a party means that we, as hosts, are jacks and jack-ettes of all trades for the
evening. We are the doorperson, the wait staff, the bartender, the coat check
attendee and of course, the introduction-maker. With all of those tasks to
complete, usually simultaneously, some hosts can forget the most important part
– warmly greeting our guests. It’s ironic that we invite them in order to
welcome them into our home, and yet so others, the actual act of welcoming them
falls by the wayside.
A
proper greeting not only makes a guest feel welcome, it also sets the tone for
their entire experience at your party. I have two tricks I use to ensure my
guests feel welcome right from the start:
*1. Greet them with their
drink of choice – If you know a guests’ fave, nothing says ‘welcome to my house’ like remembering someone’s
preferred drink and having it waiting for them. Even if they don’t feel like
having that drink at that moment, the gesture is so great that it will make
them feel immediately welcome. If you don’t know someone’s drink of choice, ask
what they would like and immediately get it – don’t get side-tracked. When your
guest(s) has drink in hand then…
*2. Briefly chat with
every single guest face-to-face within five minutes of their arrival – no exceptions – Ask a question –
something personal about something going on in their life, and ask a follow up
question about what they tell you. These days with Facebook, Twitter and other social
media platforms, it’s not hard to find out what’s happening in someone’s life. If
you don’t know what to ask them, briefly creep their social media profiles
pre-party to find a precious little gem of activity that you can use to welcome
them to your party. Just to clarify, yes, I am encouraging “Profile Creeping” for the sake of this opening
chat.
If
you don’t know the guest very well or not at all, follow this line of “probing” to find something to
chat about:
*Interests
*Family
and last…
*Profession
I
always recommend asking about someone’s job as a last resort for two reasons:
First, it’s horribly cliché to say, “So, Joe… what do you do?” and second, while it was a great conversation starter in the
1960’s, these days people feel you’re asking them their profession to make a
judgment about them. Steer clear, unless you have no other option.
In
a pinch where none of those situations are ideal, pick an item of their
clothing to comment on – genuinely – and start a brief conversation about that item.
Stay
away from conversations about:
*Weather
(it’s unoriginal)
*Politics
(it can be inflammatory)
*Religion
(It’s too personal)
*Money
(Again, too personal)
*Gossip
(It makes you look like a person of low integrity)
Above
all, make sure that when your guests make an entrance into your party, they are
warmly greeted. If nothing else goes right for the whole evening, if you get
this one detail right, nothing else will matter.
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